Tag Archives: holidays

Top 10 List of (Ridiculous) Ways to Stay Slim Through the Holidays

As someone who has gained and lost enough weight over the years to make a whole other person, I like to think I have some experience eating my way through the holidays.

I usually like to start my downward holiday trajectory with leftover Halloween candy, and keep right on going through the Thanksgiving chocolate turkeys to the Christmas party buffets and candy cane binges. This year, though, I decided to try not to follow that pattern in the hopes that Santa won’t bring me more cellulite for Christmas. To this end, I came up with a  Top 10 List of Ways to Stay Slim Through the Holidays.

1.Get the Flu

True, it doesn’t feel so great while you have it, but this is a surefire way to drop about ten pounds in ten days.  I was lucky enough to come down with the flu before the holidays last year and I did actually lose ten pounds, which meant I could eat my way back up from Thanksgiving to New Years.  Unfortunately, I put the ten back on, plus another ten, which meant I needed to get sick again to break even.

2.Give the Flu to your Husband and Kids

Nothing kills an appetite more than the sight of all those runny noses, nasty tissues and other icky sickness symptoms.  Plus, you’ll work off extra weight running up and down the stairs to do all the extra loads of laundry generated by your sick family.  Bonus!

3.Buy Food Your Husband Likes

Based on my theory that there is a finite amount of fat in the universe, if you want to lose some holiday weight, you have to arrange it so that it gets picked up by someone else.  So, after Halloween, I stock up on dark chocolate, chocolate covered raisons, and Haagen Dazs Vanilla Chip Ice cream so I can be assured my husband will pig out and I will get skinny.

4.Photoshop all your Pictures

OK, making yourself skinny in Photoshop is not exactly the same thing as losing weight in real life, but if you don’t ever go out in public, no one will know the difference.  Besides, if it’s good enough for the celebrities and models, it’s good enough for you!

5.Hang Out with Big People

Another cheat.  You don’t have to diet or work out. Just stand next to people who are larger than you and you will look svelte and toned in comparison.

6.Get Pregnant

…Then you can tell everyone you’re not fat, you’re just pregnant. Or better yet, don’t get pregnant – just tell everyone that you are.

7.Go on “Dancing with the Stars”

All the celebs that go on that show lose an average of ten to twenty pounds.  Of course, first you have to become famous, and then stop being famous, in order to get on the show.  For more on that, see my other list: Tracy’s Top Ten Ways to Become Famous, and then not be Famous, to Get on “Dancing with the Stars.”

8.Go on Vacation

The key to this one is to go to another country where you shouldn’t drink the water and then you do.  A good case of Dysentery or Montezuma’s Revenge should help you shed any holiday pounds you may have already gained!

9.Combine Exercise with a Fun Activity

Personally, I find that shopping on sale days is the ultimate exercise.  You can get a great upper arm workout wrestling someone for the last cute cardigan and burn some serious calories dashing to the checkout line to beat the crowds.

10.Don’t Despair if you Break Your Diet

So you fell off the wagon a week after Thanksgiving? Don’t get down on yourself.  Just think of it as getting a head start on the holiday weight gain for next year!

©2017, Beckerman. All rights reserved.

bookbutton-04“Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I Got Pregnant. Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs” makes a great gift for the Holidays!! To get a copy for you or a cool mom you love, CLICK HERE

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The Deviled Egg Made Me Do It

When Halloween ends, and November arrives, I always get a little twinge of excitement for the next holiday. You know which one I mean. It’s the one that is all about eating.

Yes, I am really excited for National Deviled Egg Day.
What, you didn’t know?

Deviled Egg Day is celebrated on the 2nd of November each year. Unlike that other famous eating holiday in November, Devilled Egg Day focuses on just one food. Well maybe two, if you count the mayonaisse, or three if you also use mustard. But this is not a day to be bothered with turkeys and whatnot. This is all about the egg.

Although I like deviled eggs, I have never actually made a deviled egg. I have always relied on the generous devil-egginess of my friends to get my devilled eggs fix. But this year, in honor of Deviled Egg day, I thought I would try to make my own.

This is when I learned that I am hard-boiled egg challenged.

I have been making hard-boiled eggs for thirty years, but I never had to do it with the intention of making sure the yolks are centered, the white part isn’t dinged, and the egg is a thing of beauty when peeled.

This is what a hard-boiled egg that will
be used for a deviled egg should look like:

And these are mine:

Apparently, according to www.deviledeggs.com, you have to start with a perfect hard-boiled egg to make a great deviled egg. There are all kinds of tricks to achieve this including using an older egg rather than a really fresh one; turning the eggs on their sides the night before, and peeling the eggs using a tapping and rolling technique.

Honestly, I just never thought about it that hard before… as evidenced by the above pics of my own hard-boiled eggs.

Since I do not even put that much effort into things like car care, dental hygene, or child-rearing, I doubted that I would have the patience to turn all my eggs on their side the night before I cooked them to make sure the yolks were perfectly centered. I decided to wing it (that’s a little poultry humor, in case you missed it), use the regular old eggs I had in the fridge, leave them standing straight up all night, boil the heck out of them, and hope for the best.

I followed the rest of the directions I found on the website for an easy, classic deviled egg, did it with my own special flare, and ended up with really, really ugly deviled eggs. While my eggs did not look picture perfect, making them turned out to be a valuable learning experience for me.
I realized:
1) There is something to be said for centered yolks and nicely peeled eggs
2) When you are arranging your ugly deviled eggs on the plate to try to make them look a little more appealing, make sure you do not have your cellphone in your back pocket because if it suddenly rings and vibrates, you might be so surprised that you knock over the plate and drop all your ugly deviled eggs on the floor
3) The dog does not care one bit how ugly your deviled eggs are and will happily eat them all.

©2011, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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