Tag Archives: holiday shopping

We Pause this Christmas Planning for a Commercial Interruption

’Twas a week before Christmas and our wallets were bare

There wasn’t so much as a dollar in there.

The gift cards were purchased, the stockings were stuffed

Even the eggnog tureen had been buffed.


The bonus was gone, the tips had been tipped

The gift to Aunt Martha had finally been shipped.

The lines at the mall were still crazy long

Price surging on ride shares was still going strong


The kids were safe studying in their college beds

as visions of Venmo checks danced in their heads.

Some gathered together to watch Game of Thrones

While others schemed how to get cool new IPhones.


But back at our house as we tried to get cozy

A loud noise suggested that all was not rosy.

Someone was walking on top of the house

And that someone was bigger for sure than a mouse.


A burglar? An alien? What could it be?

Something was headed straight for our chimney.


And then with an “oomf” and an “ugh” he came down,

Not through the chimney but down to the ground.

With big rosy cheeks and good cheer galore

Our mystery roof-walker appeared at the door.


“I’m the guy that you called, I’m a roofer named Kringle

All that snow that just fell?  It ruined your shingles.

“You need a new roof,” said the man dressed in red

“If you don’t do it soon it’ll fall in on your head.”


We looked at the tuition bills tossed on the table

The bills for electricity, water, and cable

Then we gave him a Visa to clean up the mess

Because Kringle won’t take American Express.


©2017, Beckerman. All rights reserved.

bookbutton-04“Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I Got Pregnant. Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs” makes a great gift for the Holidays!! To get a copy for you or a cool mom you love, CLICK HERE

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Filed under Da Holidays

Holiday Gift Shopping for Dummies

Even though I graduated college with honors, I have to admit, I’m not always the sharpest knife in the drawer. If I were, I certainly would have realized that no matter what I did, no matter when I went, there was no way, no how, that I was going to avoid the crowds shopping for holiday gifts.

Yes, in my delusional little shopping world, I actually thought I could just stroll into the toy store three weeks before the holidays, swoop up everything on my list, and stroll back out unscathed.

Like I said; not too bright.

So there I was yesterday, at the toy store with my family’s wish lists. I suppose I should have known I was headed for trouble when I had my first fight of the day with another shopper. It wasn’t over a toy. It was over the last shopping cart.

Nevertheless, I was still optimistic. So I grabbed a little hand-basket and followed the hordes inside.

I had a formidable task ahead of me: There were eight gifts to buy for each of my two kids, as well as toys for my five nieces and nephews, two young cousins, and other assorted non-family juveniles who expected presents. But I was confident. I had a list. I knew what I wanted to get. How hard could it be, really?

I decided to start with the easy stuff and headed straight for the Play-doh. But under the sign that said Play-Doh, there were shelves of Power Rangers. Where the Power Rangers were supposed to be, they had Pokemon. Nothing was where it was supposed to be. I figured the store clerk who set up the shelves was either very confused or had a mean streak.

“Excuse me,” I asked a harried looking woman in a red apron wearing a tag that said, Can I help you? “Can you help me?”

“One minute,” she responded. “I’ll be right back.”

Ten minutes later, like an idiot I was still waiting.

I finally gave up and joined the other zombie parents looking dazed and confused, wandering around, looking at signs and shaking their heads. I realized, to survive this ordeal, we were going to need to work together. Glancing around, I saw a cart go by with Play-doh and grabbed the owner of the cart.

“Can you tell me where the Play-doh is?” I begged her.

“Yes. But do you know where the Power Rangers are?” she pleaded. We exchanged information and set off down separate aisles.

Now I had a system. An hour later, I was down to my last toy, minus the six toys on the list that we’re out of stock, of course.

“Pardon me,” I said to a mother pushing a cart filled with Spider-Man toys, Transformers and other boy toys. “Do you know where I can find a Thing?”

“What thing?” she asked.

“The Thing. It’s called The Thing,” I responded, waving my arms around like a lunatic.

“What’s called The Thing?” she asked exasperatedly.

“The toy is The Thing,’” I told her. It dawned on me that I had become part of a real life Abbot and Costello routine.
I started over. “The Thing is one of the Fantastic Four Characters,” I explained. I’m looking for a Thing action figure.”

I saw the light go on in her head and she pointed to her left.

Finally, Thing in hand, I made it to the checkout counter. As I waited, I noticed a woman walk in, grab a basket and get on line behind me.

“Aren’t you shopping?” I asked her incredulously.

“I’m done,” she responded.

“You bought invisible toys?”

She grinned and reached into her basket to display a handful of plastic.

“Gift cards.”

Note: Tracy’s book, “Rebel without a Minivan,” makes a great holiday gift and you can order i! online. No stores… No lines! To get yours, CLICK HERE!

©2011, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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