Sample Columns

One Ringy-Dingy, Two Ringy-Dingy©
by Tracy Beckerman

“I think it’s broken,” my son said as he handed me the phone. I put the phone up to my ear and listened. After a moment, I stared at him dumbfounded.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked incredulously.

“What? No.”

“Do you really not know what this is?” I demanded holding the phone receiver up like a smoking gun.


“It’s a busy signal!!” I exclaimed.

“What’s that?”

My mouth dropped open. I could not have been more stunned if I had heard Elvis on the other end of the line.

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How Shopping for Toothpaste Can Melt Your Brain©
by Tracy Beckerman

Recently I had to go to the drugstore to buy a tube of toothpaste. It took me an hour and a half and I almost had a nervous breakdown. In all honesty, I absolutely believe that there are people in psychiatric hospitals right now who are there as a direct result of shopping for toothpaste. In fact, in the top ten list of life stressors, I think toothpaste shopping is right up there behind Death, Moving, and Divorce. And actually, if done with your spouse, toothpaste shopping can probably lead to divorce.

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Just Another Dog Schnarticle©
by Tracy Beckerman

That is a really cute dog!” I said to a woman as she got out of her car with an armful of fluff. She put the fluff down on the ground, it turned into a dog, and did a little happy dance.
“What kind is he?” I asked.
“He’s a Schnoodle.”
I raised my eyebrows. A flurry of jokes came to mind and I had to consciously stifle them to make sure I didn’t blurt them out loud. But even with my best efforts, one escaped.
“Oh really?” I said. “Vould you like some Weiner Schnitzel vith your Schnoodle?”

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