I’m Glad I’m Not a Turkey (at least in the poultry sense of the word)

Screen Shot 2013-11-25 at 7.48.18 AMAs I was shopping for dinner this weekend, I turned down the meat aisle and suddenly noticed the abundance of poultry. Or more specifically, the abundance of turkeys.

Lest you think there was a gang of wild turkeys roaming the supermarket, I can assure you they were all frozen – which was good news for me… although not for the turkeys.

It occurred to me at that moment, as one might be inclined to do when presented with an abundance of frozen turkeys, that Thanksgiving was upon us and I had to start thinking about what I was thankful for.

The first thing I realized was that there is actually a lot I have to be thankful for, including, of course, the fact that I’m not a turkey.

Lest you think I only have poultry issues, I’m also quite thankful that I’m not a dog.11187_10152638076125354_2123667984_n copy

Our dog sleeps in a crate and only gets to eat kibble and has to go outside to use the bathroom which is really no fun when it’s freezing cold or pouring rain, I would imagine. I like sleeping in a bed and eating sushi and pizza and prefer my bathroom in the house with the door closed and hopefully some toilet paper left on the roll. Of course the dog doesn’t have to pick up the dry cleaning or do laundry or worry about money or cellulite, so maybe being a dog wouldn’t be the worst thing.

I am also quite thankful that I’m not a bearded dragon. My son had a bearded dragon and it didn’t do much. It seemed quite content to lie on a rock under the heat lamp and then lie there some more until some crickets showed up and then he’d eat the crickets and then go back on the rock and lie there again. Although I like to lie on the beach for a week or so on vacation, get up to go to the buffet and then go lie on the beach some more, eventually I get bored. Bearded DragonBesides, all that time in the sun would really be bad for my skin. Of course the bearded dragon didn’t have to worry about sun damage and wrinkles and he’ll never need Botox, so maybe being a bearded dragon wouldn’t be the worst thing either.chinchilla-behavior

My daughter had a pet chinchilla. It was soft and cuddly and spent all of its time running on a wheel in circles.

Sometimes I feel like I’m also running on a wheel in circles, but at least I don’t have to worry about somebody making a coat out of me.

We also used to have fish, but they all died and we flushed them down the toilet. Needless to say, I’m very thankful not to be a fish.

Clearly, compared with being a person, it’s not that interesting to be a pet. However, when you are a pet, you are loved unconditionally, except when you do something bad on the rug, so that’s a pretty good deal. Still, I’m thankful to be able to sleep in a bed and eat pizza and have a roof over my head and a family that I love who loves me back unconditionally… except when I do something bad on the rug.

Wishing all of you a truly Happy Thanksgiving!

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4 Comments

Filed under It's a Dog's Life

4 responses to “I’m Glad I’m Not a Turkey (at least in the poultry sense of the word)

  1. Peggy

    Thanks so much for the laughs! Being the owner of multiple cats, dogs, fish & turtles I can relate.

  2. Harvey Baron

    Y’know it perplexes me as to why being called a “turkey” has become an idiom. Why not some other animal, or rodent, or insect? Why does the turkey have to take all this heat? Maybe you should ponder this among all of your other ponderings.

    Loved your article but feel bad for the turkeys. Isn’t it enough they give their lives for us.

    Xxxxx Pops

    Sent from my iPad

    On Nov 25, 2013, at 10:03 AM, Lost in Suburbia wrote:

    WordPress.com lostinsuburbiablog posted: “As I was shopping for dinner this weekend, I turned down the meat aisle and suddenly noticed the abundance of poultry. Or more specifically, the abundance of turkeys. Lest you think there was a gang of wild turkeys roaming the supermarket, I can assure “

  3. I’m also thankful not to be a frozen turkey! Happy Thanksgiving!

  4. Great way to tell the story. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. sd