2 Kids – 1 Kid = Less Work?

Somehow I thought things would be easier once my son left for college.

Monty and dishwasher2It was a simple mathematical equation:

2 kids – 1 kid = less work.

Of course, when I say “less work,” I was thinking specifically about the amount of driving, cooking and laundry I would have to do.

What I failed to take into account, however, was the Law of Diminishing Children. This is one of the lesser known laws of physics in the universe.  It’s not that surprising that I would forget this law since I all but failed science in High School. For those of you who are also scientifically-challenged like me and would prefer to spend your mental energy contemplating all the shoe choices in the world, the Law of Diminishing Children states that when one of your kids leaves for college, the universe will provide some form of chaos to fill the hole.

This is exactly what happened at our house.

I enjoyed approximately 5 minutes, 23 seconds of sadness after dropping off my son at school, before all hell broke loose.

The first thing I noticed was the puddle of water on the floor around the dishwasher.

“I think the dishwasher is broken,” I said to my husband.

“Really?  What gave it away?” he wondered as we watched the river of water flow from the dishwasher to our suitcases at the kitchen door.  I sighed and went to grab some towels to mop up the mess.  But when I got down to the basement, I noticed a strong and distinctly soapy smell.   I opened the washing machine and found the laundry I had done before I left floating in a pool of bubbly water.

My husband came downstairs and peered in the washing machine.

“I think the washing machine is broken,” I said to him.

“Really?  What gave it away?” he wondered, as he hit the start button on the washing machine and nothing happened.

Throwing up my arms in defeat, I went to pick up the dog from the boarders.

After he got in the house, the dog sat down, and started scratching furiously at his ear. I lifted up his ear and saw that he had a ginormous ear infection going on.

I looked at my husband.  “I think the dog is broken,” I said to him.

“Look on the bright side,” he said. “Now that our son is in college, at least you have less laundry to do.”

©2013, Beckerman. All rights reserved.

bookbutton-04My new book, “Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I Got Pregnant. Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs” is now available. To get a copy for you or a cool mom you love, CLICK HERE

To become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook, Visit me here
To follow me on Twitter, visit me here



Filed under Cleanliness is Next to Impossibleness, It's a Dog's Life, Who Are These Children and Why are they Calling Me Mommy

10 responses to “2 Kids – 1 Kid = Less Work?

  1. I feel your pain. My kitchen sink started pouring out water this morning. When my husband took it apart he found our lines to be severely clogged. He was mumbling something about an expensive plumber when I walked away.

  2. Poor you! Clearly you’ve stumbled on a parallel law in the Universe that suggests that bills will add up exponentially to the prevailing tuition cost.

  3. Sherry

    You’ve profoundly depressed me. I demand that my appliances don’t get to quit if I don’t.

  4. What a story! Hope things are in working order now. sd

  5. The good news is, without a washing machine, I can’t actually do the laundry!!

  6. They say bad things come in threes (the first time I typed that it said “thongs” instead of “things”. That was funny, right?). Maybe you’re all done with bad things for a while. Hope your son is remembering to call his Mom! 🙂