You’ve Been Blocked!

crying wont help you

I’ve been blocked on Facebook… again.

When I say, again, I don’t mean to make it sound like it’s something that happens all the time. As far as I know it’s only been two times. But even two times is a lot when you’re used to getting along with everyone and, to your knowledge, have never been accused of something awful like being a stalker, an identity thief, or a mime.

The first time I was blocked I took it in stride because it was someone I already had a strained relationship with.

4 years later, I’m almost over it.

But the latest person who blocked me was someone I’d just met. She was someone I spoke with at length at a conference, discussed a job opportunity, and mutually agreed to connect with after the conference. Following the conference, I friended her on Facebook. Then, about two weeks later I realized I’d never gotten a friend acceptance and checked back only to discover she was no longer on Facebook. But the way Facebook works is, when someone blocks you, they appear to no longer be on Facebook. So when someone disappears from Facebook, you can’t be sure if it’s because they closed their account or they blocked you. The only way to know for sure is to look for them from someone else’s account.

Having been on the receiving end of a FB blocking before, I was wise to the ways of being blocked, so I looked for her from someone else’s account, and, voila: there was the person I had tried to friend.

And then I knew I’d been tossed aside like a sack of potatoes blocked.

delmote ketchupOnce you are a two-time blockee, you don’t get nearly as upset as you might have the first time. You’re kind of like, “What the heck?” and, “OMG, she BLOCKED me?” and, “Wow. What did I say?” followed by, “What a b****!!” Then you replay the whole conversation you had with her through your head to see if there was any point where you came across as someone with obsessive tendencies, multiple personalities, an arrest record, a restraining order, ties to the Kardashians, persistent chronic halitosis, or the possibility that you slept with her husband.

Except for the arrest record (which was only a misdemeanor and I swear, I was out of the country when it happened) none of the other things were even remotely possible. So I was really at a loss as to why she’d blocked me. I realized that being blocked by a friend (or potential friend) on Facebook is kind of like having a boyfriend suddenly stop returning your calls. You know it’s over but you’re not sure why and you’re just left wondering what you did to be so coldly dumped. Personally, I’d prefer to get an automated notification from Facebook that says: So-and-So blocked you because you:
Post too many cloyingly cute pictures of your kids
Ditto your dog
Brag too much about the miles you ran/laps you swam/triathalon you
competed in
Ditto your vacation
Repeatedly invite them to play annoying Facebook games
Repeatedly ask them to vote for you for some inane contest
Creepily comment on every status update they make

Since I was still friends with her husband on Facebook (who, I repeat, I have not slept with), I thought about messaging him and asking him why on earth his wife had blocked me. But then I figured it would be awkward for him to be in the middle of a UFB (Unwarranted Facebook Blocking) and might cause UMS (Undue Marital Stress) as well as the possibility that he also would commit a UFB on me and then I would be a three-time Facebook blockee, which would certainly be a blight on my otherwise pristine social media reputation. Being blocked twice could be considered an aberration. Three times and people start to think you’re a stalker.

In an attempt to be a grown up and not obsess about it, and not pursue it, and realize it was probably her problem, not mine, I decided to let it go and move on with my life.

… Right after I block her back.

©2013, Beckerman. All rights reserved.

FINAL Book Cover copyMy new book, “Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I Got Pregnant. Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs” is now available. To get a copy for you or a cool mom you love, CLICK HERE

To become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook, Visit me here
To follow me on Twitter, visit me here



Filed under Uncategorized

44 responses to “You’ve Been Blocked!

  1. Isn’t it crazy how that works? I’ve been blocked by close friends (or so I thought) and I have no idea why. But I’ve just learned that it is what it is, and there’s no reason for me to lose sleep over it. I am an awesome person and amazing friend, and it’s their loss. The end. 😉

  2. I always assume it was a mistake because I am totally too full of myself. You should do the same…but block her anyway, just in case.

    • Definitely not a mistake although, like you, I was floored that anyone would not only want to be friends with me, but want to wipe my virtual existence off the face of the earth.

  3. Funny, Tracy. Rejection hurts, even on FB. sd

  4. I’d never block Monty..YOU, I mean you…on FB! My mother-in-law texted my husband and told us to look on her FB page at pics of flooding in her area. When I got on my FB account and went to her page, I saw nothing but the pics of the kids I’d tagged her in – she had ME on her highest privacy settings! WTF!?!? I got great satisfaction in telling my husband to text her and say, “We can’t see the pictures because you essentially have Julie blocked from your page.” Isn’t it silly how it can affect you like you’re in second grade and didn’t get invited to a party?

    • Wow… that’s harsh (your MIL, not you). Although if she’s like my mom, she might not know that she set the privacy settings that way. However, since it’s your MIL, then again, maybe she knew EXACTLY what she was doing!

  5. I blocked my MIL and SIL after they both unfriended me the same day. All’s fair in love and facebook.

  6. Tracy, Just as a way of sending a Virtual Hug: I’d never, ever in a million bajillion nano-years, block you on Facebook. And I have to admit, just like a teenage girl who “likes the bad boys,” I think it’s really cool that now I know someone who’s been blocked TWICE on Facebook. I mean, geez, I drive a van and everything, so I need every Cool Friend I can get out there in Facebook World.

    Makes me think of a FB post I saw yesterday: “Oh, sure, you’ll tell everyone I’m crazy! But you’ll forget to mention that you’re a total a$$, right?!”

    Maybe you could start a Facebook Group: “You Know You’ve Been Blocked When…” But don’t let her in! It’s s a Status Thing: Blocked On Facebook — How I Survived the Reality.

    You rock. (You didn’t try to feed her kid peanuts, did you? Or refuse to discuss superior cleaning products? Some people get so touchy about those things… )

    Emma Ann

  7. If you don’t want to be blocked a third time, do not join any FB groups called, “My sister-in-law is psycho.” Trust me on this one.

  8. On rare occasions, I have been both the blocker and the blockee.

    First time visitor and I love your voice. I can tell you that as the blocker, I gave it very little thought. For the 3-4 times I did it, I had really good reasons. Relatives that didn’t need to know so much and a friend that betrayed me…true.

    However, I was a crazy person when I was blocked and didn’t understand why. For awhile I would search to see what they were doing on other friends’ pages before I realized I needed help!!

    I think your giving reasons why…is a fantastic idea 🙂

    • Thanks for coming by. I was like that the first time I got blocked too… probably because that one really WAS personal. We knew each other in real life too and, so surprise here, it destroyed our relationship. This time around I care less because I hardly know the person. Still, it really does feel like a slap in the face, doesn’t it. So dumb that something so trivial can affect you so deeply, right?

  9. Who would possibly block YOU?

    I was accidentally blocked by my FIL once. It was kind of hilarious that he disappeared off of FB. My husband had to log in for him and unblock me.

    Hmmn. Now I wonder how many people I thought “disappeared” really haven’t? 😉

  10. It is probably because I wouldn’t give her the secret ingredients for a “Beckerman!”

  11. I actually got blocked by someone I go to church with. I’m guessing I’m not saintly enough? (This is highly possible.)

  12. I think it was a FB error. Facebook all of a sudden has decided to block me (again, twice now) from adding people to my site. Well, after the first time…I learned my lesson. I haven’t asked ANYONE to join my page and out of the blue the FB meanies swooped in and put me in time-out for 2 weeks. How embarrassing, right?! Of course, if I don’t tell anyone…oops! Sorry for your pain.

    • I’ve been put in FB jail after someone “reported me” for friending them without “knowing them in real life.” Not sure why that matters… but then I was on FB probation and blocked from friending anyone for two weeks. Those FB police are tough. But at least when FB blocks you, you know why you are being blocked!

  13. Sigh.
    I’m thinking this is gonna be her loss. ♡

  14. Hmmm. Don’t know that I’ve been blocked before! I’ve been unfriended though and that just about made me lose my mind.

  15. This is my first time on your blog, and thanks so much for the post! My cousin’s husband’s defriending me last fall, shortly after Obama won the election (yes, this person is VERY conservative AND moved to Texas right around that time) grated on me BIG TIME. I did try to look for him from other relatives’ accts, but could not see him there, so I merely thought that he closed his FB acct. But….lo and behold, my brother tells me he’s STILL on FB! So, I guess he has blocked me from finding him on FB completely. Pretty weird. And here I thought we were all on good terms. Is it strange that this would strain my relationship with my cousin? Between her move to TX and THIS? Kinda throws a wrench into the mix. Sad that people need to behave in…what is it? Anti-social? Juvenile?
    Thanks for listening!
    -From a fellow New Jerseyan.

    • So sorry I missed your comment until now. I was busy going through my FB friends list and blocking people. (just kidding!). That is pretty sucky about your cousin’s husband. It is definitely worse when it’s family! They should just do what normal family members do when they dislike you – bad mouth you to the rest of the family, start a fight at a wedding and then leave you out of the will! Thanks for stopping by!

      • No worries! I know you were busy (right around the time I posted my comment) with BlogHer. FB definitely has its share of pluses (keeping in touch w/people who you don’t get to see often) and minuses (causing family to become more dysfunctional).

  16. Good for you! What a freak! For good measure, I say you block her husband too!

  17. Hmmm, now, I like that idea…thanks, Justin! 🙂

  18. Um, come to think of it, can’t block someone you can’t find on FB at all. Oh well. :-/

    • I wanted to block the husband, too, but sadly, I don’t think he would even notice. They live near me so I’m hoping we run into them at a restaurant and I can say, “Remember me… we met at a conference and then YOU BLOCKED ME ON FACEBOOK. Nice to see you again.”

  19. RW

    yep, it happens and it sucks!!!

    my first thought was—maybe she’s having trouble with her husband and didn’t want her problems to appear on your page. just a thought–it’s her stuff. It’s her stuff ANYway, but .. you just never know what someone else is going through that might lead them to do something inexplicable and hurtful.
    What I can’t stand is if someone I don’t get along with blocks me FIRST, so I can’t block them. heh heh…how twelve years old of me…

    Seriously though, to address your pain : In the past, I have taken the coward’s way out and have blocked people that I simply wanted to unfriend, but didn’t want to hurt their feelings. These were people I didn’t know well, and made the mistake of accepting friend requests. It was a personal decision to “lock down” my profile to only people I knew really well, and it was not at all personal that I unfriended/blocked people. They seemed like cool people –I just was going through a lot in my own life, and did not want my facebook to be so public. I also didn’t want them to be left with the inexplicable “unfriend,” able to look me up and wonder why the heck I had dropped them. (I also didn’t know that they could find me anyway, so it was still a hurtful move on my part 😦 )

    NOW I know that I can change my privacy setting so that people I don’t know well are in a “group” that doesn’t see certain things…but back then I did not know that. I feel bad that I blocked those people, but at least that idiotic move has served a purpose: it can give another reason, here, why someone might do something that inexplicable. (I was going through a law suit at the time – just car accident, don’t worry, nothing psycho- and my lawyer said “DELETE your facebook. If you can’t delete it, remove anyone who is not a very, very very close friend.”)

    SO … this is just to say … when someone blocks you, even if you feel you aren’t getting along or whatever, it’s still ALL Their “stuff.” Not yours.
    Let’s face it… not everyone is going to “get” us. For every one person who unfriends/blocks for seemingly no reason, I bet there are 50 people who just adore you. So maybe think of that!
    Easier said than done, I know… my pride has trouble letting go of that kind of thing too…Invariably, I will focus on the one single person who doesn’t like me, and obsess about it, wondering WHY.

    but maybe consider being blocked a “detox” of people who do not see your magnificence. Facebook is a micro-exercise in letting go…

    (although I still wish I could block those Wretched Goblins who blocked me first…) 😛

    don’t know you, but you seem wonderful, honest and fun, so sending you support. thanks for the article — it helped me see my own pride & stress over this thing in a new light :o)

  20. Thanks so much for your amazing, thoughtful reply. I think it’s human nature to take this kind of stuff personally and assume it’s you, not them. I also think it is human nature to focus on the one person you think doesn’t like you versus the fifty who do. Not sure why we do that. I think some therapist will make a million bucks if he/she wrote a book about the psychology of Facebook Friending.
    Sorry to hear about the difficulties you went through but glad to know you are in a better place… and if you want to find me on FB, I’d be delighted to be your friend!!

  21. I have been known to be the block-er in very extreme cases and I’ll tell you it is a feeling of power that can only be likened to sinking someone’s battleship.

  22. Pingback: I’m Having a Bad Day But I Won’t tell You Why | Lost in Suburbia

  23. Liz

    I’ve been blocked a few times – and I agree, it would be nice to have that checklist!

    I have bad news for you though: you can block her back, but since SHE blocked YOU first, she’s already not seeing you on Facebook. So the only way your “blocking” is relevant is if for some reason she unblocked you. :-/

  24. CT

    I just shared this blog on Facebook, and I’ll be darned if the pain of being blocked didn’t come rushing back to me when I realized I couldn’t tag the person who has me blocked.
    On a serious note, though — considering how many cat pics I share on FB, I might have to consider blocking someone I’d met in a professional setting. Some things are meant to be kept between (dysfunctional) family and friends.

  25. Sharing too many cat pics on FB is a faux “paw”? Thanks for the heads up!