When the time came to end my Six City Cool Mom Book and Blow Dry Bar Tour, I was a little bit sad, a little bit happy, and a lot exhausted.
For someone who spends most of her time driving from home to school to Dunkin’ Donuts and back again, traveling across the country several times in several weeks was definitely a stretch for me. Of course I loved seeing so many friends in other cities, and visiting the cities themselves. But ultimately, I’m a Jersey girl, and I was itching to get back to the land of big malls, big mouths, and big hair.
After DC, my last stop was Chicago. The good news was, I was able to get an earlier flight home then originally planned.
Naturally I didn’t find out that the flight was delayed until I was already at the airport. But since I was pretty pooped anyway, I decided to just settle in at the gate and wait out the delay.
I was actually kind of excited to have some undistracted time to catch up on emails, blog posts, etc. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one who decided to wait out the delay at the gate and get some work done. There were many passengers there quietly doing work, like me, and then there was…
THE ANNOYING PHONE GUY.
The Annoying Phone Guy was an older man on a bluetooth headset who talked very loudly and very insistently to the person on the other end of the phone about how INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT he was to some deal they were working on. Not only IMPORTANT but VITAL. So VITAL, in fact, that he had to tell the other guy over and over for 60 minutes.
You can imagine how fun this was for me and all the other people in the small waiting area.
Everyone shot The Annoying Phone Guy dirty looks, some people cleared their throat in his direction, and several people got up and moved away from him. One woman politely asked him if he could make his call elsewhere and he rudely waved her away.
Finally the time came to board the flight. Since I had changed my ticket, I was in the last boarding group and by the time I got called, I was one of the last people on the plane. As I stood at the front of the plane waiting for the rest of the passengers to load their luggage into the overhead compartments and sit down so I could continue to Coach, I noticed The Annoying Phone Guy in a seat in first class. It was hard to miss him. He was still on the phone, still telling some poor work associate how INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT he was to this deal, and still irritating everyone around him. I looked over at another passenger seated across from The Annoying Phone Guy and saw a look of misery on his face. Everyone, it seemed, within hearing distance of The Annoying Phone Guy looked miserable.
Although the flight was headed to New Jersey, I decided that everyone on the flight must be visiting, because if anyone flying to New Jersey was actually from New Jersey, by this point they would have pummeled The Annoying Phone Guy.
Then I remembered that I AM from New Jersey.
“Excuse me,” I said, tapping The Annoying Phone Guy on the shoulder. He looked up at me.
“This is not your office,” I said emphatically. “And you’re annoying the cr*p out of everyone on this plane. HANG UP THE PHONE!”
He sputtered for a minute. “This is a very important call!” he insisted.
“I know,” I responded. “We ALL know! But it will still be important when we land. Now get off the phone!”
For a moment there was stunned silence. And then everyone in First Class cheered and burst into applause.
The Annoying Phone Guy looked around and then hung up the phone. Then the line moved forward and I went to my seat in the back of the plane.
And that’s how we do it in New Jersey.
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More From the Lost in Suburbia Book Tour:
As I mentioned earlier, the last two stops on the tour were Washington, DC and Chicago.
While I was in DC, I stopped by Fox 5 Morning News and had a nice chat with anchor Allison Seymour. Allison knows all about trying to keep your cool when you’re a mom (she has three daughters!). She asked about some tips for new moms who are trying to get their groove back. One thing I suggested was learning the new text shorthand for moms so you can tell people when you’ve G2G (got to go) because you have a UDE (Unexpected Diaper Explosion). To see the segment, CLICK HERE!
In Chicago, I did an interview on WGN-TV Midday News with anchor Dina Bair. Dina is formerly from New Jersey, which may explain our instant bond and secret Jersey Girl handshake we did off camera. I’m sure if Dina had been on my plane from Chicago to New Jersey, she would have put ANNOYING PHONE GUY in his place, too! You can watch that video HERE!
*While I was out of town, I also virtually stopped by my friend Rene Syler’s blog, Good Enough Mother. I ADORE Rene (she is an amazing, smart, funny and super talented lady!) and was thrilled to answer some questions for her “Life Lessons” series.
*My friend Jen Wagner was at my New York City Book and Blow Dry Bar Tour party and recently did a review of my book and a wrap up of the event on her blog, Connect with Your Teens. Even though we only live about 30 minutes from each other, we don’t get to see each other that often, so I was thrilled to see her!
*Finally, I did a guest post for NY Metro Parents, called “OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS TO OUR HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS WE GO,” and it’s about my move to the suburbs from the city.
So what’s next?
If you happen to live in New Jersey and would like to hear my NJ accent, I will be speaking and signing books at the New Providence Library, 377 Elkwood Ave., on Sunday, June 2 at 2pm. For more information, CLICK HERE.
Then on Friday June 7, I’ll be at The Grand Summit Hotel in Summit, NJ speaking at the Suburban Chambers of Commerce First Friday event at 8am. You can find more information on this event by CLICKING HERE.
Lastly, did I happen to mention I have a new book out? 🙂 If you haven’t already gotten a copy of Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I Got Pregnant, Lost Myself, and Got My Cool Back in the New Jersey Suburbs,” it is available both as a hard copy and as an e-book and makes a GREAT beach read! To get one for yourself or as a gift for a cool mom you know, CLICK HERE!