Before I became a mom, I assumed every mom was pretty much like every other mom. However, once I joined the club, I realized that moms come in all flavors… and not all of them are to my liking. I like to think that I am a pretty tolerant person, but I have discovered a number of moms who just rub me the wrong way and I will go out of my way to avoid them. To help you recognize these moms when you encounter them, I have come up with a list of the most annoying moms you might meet in your travels through motherhood. Identifying them is easy. How you dispose of the bodies is the hard part.
1.The Brag Hag
She’s the one whose 10 year-old is in line to win a Nobel Prize… and she’s sure to tell you about it.
She likes to “drop by” to say hi, and then doesn’t leave… EVER!
She will drop off her kids for an afternoon playdate, and come back for them two days later.
Will send her sick kids to your house for a playdate even if the child’s head is spinning around 360 degrees and she has a temperature of 104. When called out, this mom will say the kid just has allergies.
She can work full time and still have time to make a three-course meal for dinner, attend all her kids sporting events, hand-make their Halloween costumes, and leap tall buildings in a single bound. She’s not a bad person, but she makes the rest of us look bad.
6.The Emergency mom
She will list you as the Emergency Contact on her kids’ school health forms, not tell you, and you won’t find out until you get a call from the school to pick her sick kid up.
7. The Tennis mom
Also known as Emergency mom. She will be out playing a set of doubles without her cell phone on her, which is why the school will have to call you when her kid is sick.
8.The Driving Billboard
She has a “My Kid is an Honor Student” bumper sticker on her car, an “Adorable Baby on Board” sign in the window, a family of cute stick figures on the windshield, decals for every sport her kids play, college stickers if her kids are old enough, and somewhere, under all those stickers, is a minivan.
9.The PTA Vampire
She is on about ten committees and will try to shame you into volunteering for five of them.
10.The Kid Whisperer
She is an expert on getting your kids to sleep, on what your kids should eat, how much TV your kids should watch, and how to parent your kids on just about every topic because clearly, just because you gave birth to these children, you have no idea what you are doing. Also known as the mother-in-law.
(I’m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. Feel free to add your own in the comments below!)