The One About Cramps. Period.

Editors note: Yes, I know I just blogged about Tampons. No, it’s not a Theme Week. Don’t fret, I’ll be in menopause soon.

>Me: “Ugh.”

Daughter: “What’s wrong, mama?”

“I’ve got cramps.”

“Lady cramps?”


“Am I gonna get lady cramps one day?”

“Not necessarily.”

“What do you do for it?”

“Take some medicine.”

“Did the doctor tell you to do that?”


“What kind of doctor?”

“He’s called a gynecologist.”

“I don’t wanna go to a gynecologist.”


“I wanna go to a girl-nacologist.”

(bwahaha!!) “A gynecologist can be a girl or a boy.”

“Then why do they call it a guy-necologist?”

“Gyno refers to your lady parts.”

“That’s silly.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

“Why do you get lady cramps again?”

“My body is getting ready to have a period.”

“Oh right. But if it is a period, then why do you keep getting it.”

“Good question.”

“They should call it a comma.”

“That would make more sense.”

“Does it ever stop?”

“Yes. That is called menopause.”

“Does it start again?


“Then that should be called a period.”

“You’re right.”

“This is very confusing. Do boys get cramps?”

“No, but they do get cranky sometimes.”


“When girls talk about cramps and periods.”

©2012, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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Filed under Growing old ungracefully, Who Are These Children and Why are they Calling Me Mommy

8 responses to “The One About Cramps. Period.

  1. Carol Sherman

    Loved it and the newer definitions by our daughter are more appropriate and great!

  2. Your daughter asks all the right questions and has some very astute observations.

  3. Or they should call it an “ellipses,” although that’s even hard for me to pronounce. And is it a singular or a plural? I mean, it’s three dots . . . but they always go together, kind of like a collective noun, right? *retreats into his cave muttering about grammar rules*

  4. Smart daughter! So funny too.