Tracy’s Ultimate Countdown to Bathing Suit Season Checklist for Summer

Spring seemed to come up so suddenly this year that I actually forgot to have my annual pre-summer panic attack. I guess I was just so busy waging war on dust bunnies and trying to solve the Mid-east peace crisis, that I forgot all about the war on cellulite and the Middle-age bathing suit crisis.

Where the heck were MY priorities??

Now we are just a week away from Memorial Day Weekend and I have to put my emergency pre-summer plan into effect. In order to help me stay on the straight and narrow – as opposed to my usual path of wavy and wide – I decided I should come up with a checklist for summer.

    Tracy’s Ultimate Countdown to Bathing Suit Season Checklist for Summer:

1. Get bad stomach virus so I will be tankini ready in a week
2. Have anxiety attack because virus only lasts two days
3. Take down summer clothes from the attic. Try everything on. Find out it is all too small. Go back to step one
4. Wonder if it is OK to wear white capris before Memorial Day because it is the only thing that fits
5. Decide to dye white capris black
6. End up with black dye all over arms
7. Decide to get fake spray-on tan to look beach ready but also to hide black dye on arms
8. Turn orange from spray tan
9. Wonder if black and orange arms could be new trend this summer
10. Pull summer shoes down from attic
11. Very excited because shoes ALWAY fit
12. Find ten pair of gladiator sandals in bin. Pretty sure gladiators are not in style this summer
13. Go to store to get new sandals. Salesperson asks where I got lovely black and orange tan
14. Shoe store has nothing in my size. Buy cute pair one size too small
15. Wear new shoes to drug store to buy sunscreen
16. Get blisters from shoes that are too small
17. Ask salesperson for bandaids for blisters
18. Salesperson asks where I got lovely black and orange tan
19. Get home, realize forgot to buy suncscreen
20. Decide black dye wlll probably shield me from sun anyway
21. Go outside to weed garden to make house pretty for summer and to forget about stupid things like tankinis, fake tans and gladiator sandals
22. Realize one of the weeds I have been yanking out of garden, sans gloves, is poison ivy
23. Immediately break out in poison ivy rash all over body
24. Also get sunburn from weeding without sunscreen
24. Apply anti-itch cream, anti-sunburn cream, anti-fake tan cream and anti-black dye cream
25. Decide summer is hugely overrated
25. Cancel summer

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6 responses to “Tracy’s Ultimate Countdown to Bathing Suit Season Checklist for Summer

  1. Hey, if all else fails, you could go to Cincinnati with that black and orange tan and become a Bengals fan. They would love ya!!!

  2. No! Not Cincinnati! Come to Baltimore – the Orioles are kicking A$$ this season! And you have my permission to rock those gladiator sandals again this summer. 🙂

  3. I’ll come there too. I have no summer vacation plans. Cincinnati and Baltimore baby!

  4. And now I want a black and tan at 8:45 am. Not helpful for swimsuit season.