What Happens in the Garage Stays in the Garage

“Mrs. Beckerman?”


“Mrs. Beckerman, This is the Garage Door Police. We understand there was an altercation today between you and your garage door.”

“An altercation?  I’m not sure what you mean, Officer.”

“Mrs. Beckerman, did you or did you not ram your car into your garage door?”

“Um… how do define ‘ram?’”

“Ma’am. When you were backing out of your garage, did you hit the garage door with your car?”

“I may have done that.”

“And in doing so, did you knock the garage door off its track so now it will neither go up or down?”

“I might have done that, as well. But in my defense, the garage door started it.”

“How so?”

“Well, when I went to leave in the morning, I pushed the button to open the garage door, like I always do. But for some reason the door only went up two thirds of the way and then stopped.  I didn’t realize this had happened, so when I backed out, blammo.”

“Blammo, Ma’am?”

“Yes, blammo, Officer.”

“Mrs. Beckerman, this is not the first time you have had an incident with an appliance in your garage, is that correct?”

“Are you referring to the second refrigerator we keep in the garage, officer?”

“I am.”

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“How do you figure?”

“It jumped out in front of my car.”


“Yes, it had a death wish. It was on its last coils and wanted to be put out of its misery.  It was a mercy killing, really.”

“And how about the incident involving the side view mirror on your car?”

“You mean the side view mirror that I allegedly knocked off the car backing out of the garage?”


“Never happened.”

“… And the bicycle you ran over?”

“It rolled in front of my car.”

“On it’s own?”

“Yes. It was a magic bicycle.”

“Mrs. Beckerman, based on your garage history, I am going to have to write you a ticket for reckless garage endangerment.  Do you have any questions?’

“Just one. Is your car parked behind me?”


“I’d move it if I were you.”

©2012, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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8 responses to “What Happens in the Garage Stays in the Garage

  1. How about when you ram your car into a stack of roofing materials backing out of the garage?? At least there’s a satisfying “thunk” instead of a cracking.

  2. …and I thought I was the only one who bumped into things in the garage! Too funny!

  3. Hahaha! Love it… (Sorry bout your garage door. And your car. And your fridge. And…never mind. I’m sticking with HAHAHA.)

  4. My kids have actually put a sign on our garage that says “Enter at your own risk, Mom parks here”. The little shits. They better look out when I back up ’cause I take no prisoners.