10 Rules for Knowing When to Change a Roll of Toilet Paper

In my ongoing efforts to educate the public at large about proper toilet paper roll protocol, I give you

    10 RULES FOR KNOWING WHEN TO CHANGE A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER

1. There is not so much as a speck of lint left on the cardboard roll

2. You actually contemplate using the cardboard roll.

3. You consider calling 911 from your cell phone but don’t know how you
would let them in the front door.

4. You find yourself wondering just how scratchy a page of paper from the newspaper you are reading would be.

5. You also find yourself wondering if the ink from the newspaper you are
reading would run off and tattoo your butt with today’s headlines.

6. You recall that there is another roll in the linen closet and wonder if anyone will see you making a mad dash out there with your pants down.

7. You wonder how long one actually has to drip, to “drip dry.”

8. You beg your toddler to slide a napkin under the door.

9. He gives you his blankie instead.

10. You actually consider using his blankie.

©2011, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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9 Comments

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9 responses to “10 Rules for Knowing When to Change a Roll of Toilet Paper

  1. Question. Did the situation– uh– “unravel” itself because the husband and the kids can’t seem to figure out how to place a new roll of toilet paper on the holder? How they can look at an unopened package of tp and not think to actually PUT IT ON THE ROLL, preventing this situation? Why is the mom the only one who can do this feat? Is it a common trait?

    • They will leave the roll with like, three squares on it so they don’t have to change it and then, naturally, I am the next one in the bathroom and there is not enough for me. This usually happens with all three bathrooms at the same time. Such a joy.

      • I’ve considered hiding an emergency roll, where only I know where it is in the bathroom. Either that, or leaving a case of toilet paper in there, so there’s no issue of run-out!

  2. I do that! I have 16 rolls of TP right under the sink and they still don’t replace it. I think it is Empty TP Roll Blindness!

  3. What you could do with to 100% confirm that this wont happen again is for you to fit an industrial toilet paper dispsener in your bathroom. You know the ones that have two rolls in them and you can only get at the 2nd one when the first one is all used up here is one I found as an example of what I mean: http://www.dwsupplies.com/6978-aqua-non-stop-midi-jumbo-dispenser-kimberley-clark-670-p.asp

  4. Pingback: A Brief History of Toilet Paper in Honor of National Toilet Paper Day | The Lost in Suburbia Blog