A Message from Captain Obvious

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We will be closing the aircraft doors in just a moment. We need to make sure that everyone is on board before we close the aircraft doors or the people who have not yet boarded will not be able to get on the aircraft. Thank your for your patience.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain again. Just to let you know, all the passengers are, in fact, on board and we have closed the aircraft doors. We will be leaving the gate in about 5 minutes. Then it will take us about 10 minutes to taxi to the runway. Once we are on the runway, it will take us about 15 minutes to take off. That is a total of 20 minutes, unless we are delayed for takeoff and then, obviously, it could be longer. But I don’t think it will be any more than 25 minutes. Maybe 26. Or 27.”

“Ladies and gentleman, Captain here. If you look out the window you will notice that we are now actually taking off. You can tell that because the nose of the plane is going into the air and we are on a slant heading upwards. Those buildings below that look like they are getting smaller are not really getting smaller. They just look smaller because we are getting further away from them. That is another good indication that we are now flying.”

“Ladies and gentleman, we are now up in the air. Our total flight time today will be two hours and 45 minutes. We might actually get to our destination in 2 hours and 35 minutes because we have a nice tailwind. However, it might also be 2 hours and 55 minutes if there are a lot of other planes lined up to land at our destination. Of course, the best case scenario would be if we did in fact land in 2 hours and 45 minutes as planned.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain once again. I’m going to sign off for a while now so you can relax and enjoy your flight. But don’t worry, I will keep flying the plane! Haha. Just a little pilot humor… Look, no hands! Just kidding. No, seriously. I am flying the plane. Really.”

©2011, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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One response to “A Message from Captain Obvious

  1. limor

    LOL. Oh my god. you killed me