Dear Irene… Thanks for Coming. Don’t Let the Door Slam You in the Tailwind

Dear Irene,

We just wanted to thank you again for staying with us this past weekend!
While we have had some guests who have turned our house upside down when they were here, none of them have done it quite as literally as you.
We have also not had a guest cause quite as much chaos in such a short amount of time since the last time my mother came to visit. Kudos to you, at least, for knowing when to leave.

Of course there is always extra laundry when we have company. However, I did not expect that I would end up having to use every towel in the house to mop up after you left. Thank you, though, for showing us that our basement can, indeed, be used for an indoor pool. Next time I will try to remember to pull up the carpeting and remove the furniture before we try that out.

We also wanted to thank you for showing us where all the weak spots are in our roof. Who knew there were so many places where 60 mile an hour winds could rip the shingles right off? What a gem you are for helping us realize this!

The kids have had a great time in our yard since your visit! They invented a game called, “Splash Through the Swamp That was Once Our Backyard!” Good thing I washed all the dirty towels from the basement mess before they played this game so I could mop up the mud they tracked in the house! Did you know that dogs like to play this game, too? Apparently, they also like to jump on the furniture after romping through the mud! No worries. We really needed a new living room set anyway.

By the way, you know how I have been having trouble getting the kids to stop playing video games and watching TV? Well that hasn’t been an issue at all since you came and knocked the power out. Of course, it also meant our sump pump didn’t work, the kitchen appliances turned off, and none of the toilets would flush. But hey, at least the kids discovered the joys of reading a book again… by candlelight… while using our emergency port-a-potty.

Speaking of appliances, we’re sorry you couldn’t stay for the big feast. After the power went out, we had to take all the food out of the fridge and eat whatever we could before it would spoil. What a banquet THAT was! I had just done a huge supermarket shop in preparation for your arrival, not thinking that we might lose power and all the food would go bad. Clearly that was my faux pas and I will make sure next time to only buy dehydrated space food before you visit.

Anyway, thanks again for coming! But next time, I really wouldn’t mind if you decided to go stay with my brother instead!


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13 responses to “Dear Irene… Thanks for Coming. Don’t Let the Door Slam You in the Tailwind

  1. Very funny! Glad you are all safe

  2. I really like your sense of humor. Thanks for writing!

  3. Irene obviously left her good guest manners at home!
    Sorry it took her visit to LI to wring out some of her less gracious manners before she headed north to Boston. Unfortunately, she was a far too soggy visitor with our friends in VT & upstate NY.
    Hoping, once we’ve all cleaned up our homes and selves, we’ll get to enjoy some glorious late summer days before the kids strap on their backpacks and head back to school!

  4. I did not make that mistake with Katrina. I stocked up on tons of canned goods. I just forgot I had an electric can opener! Got a manual one now. Just don’t know where it is. Good Night, Irene!

    • I had the same issue with my coffee. I cannot get started in the morning without it and I have (no kidding) ten different coffee makers. I probably need to check into a coffee maker rehab somewhere, but that is another column. Unfortunately, I forgot that without power, no coffee, because with ten coffee makers, I did not have a stinking French Press. Argh!!!

  5. What a mess! I hope insurance comes through for you. I went to grocery store and bought whatever I could think of that didn’t have to be either refrigerated or cooked. Luckily the refrig conked out a couple weeks ago and I’d only partially restocked. But forgot the ice cream. Drat!

  6. Just found your blog, and am an instant follower. BTW I did a piece involving vintage space food recently – it might be worse than spoiled fridge good.

  7. Oh dear, I’m sorry you’ve had such a time with Irene. It was a fluke that my family didn’t have flooding or lose power; the same can’t be said for the neighbors – it was awful.