I’m so excited to hear that March 5th is National Multiple Personality Day.
No I’m not.
Yes you are.
We are, too.
Well, apparently there is some dissension in the ranks, but most of us are really excited about it.
How could you not be excited by something that honors a majority, especially when that majority is all in one body?
Although I, myself, do not have multiple personalities, my husband has often accused me of having an evil twin named “Stacy.” Stacy is the person who freaks out when the empty toilet paper rolls don’t get changed, the toilet seat is left up, and the smelly socks are scattered on the floor throughout the house. Stacy blows a gasket when the dirty dishes are left piled up in the sink even though the dishwasher is empty, and when the garbage is filled up to the rim so the top won’t close. She throws a hairy fit when she finds half-eaten food in her kids’ rooms.
She is not my evil twin. She is my idol.
Honestly, though, if anyone has multiple personalities, it is my husband. Normally a very considerate guy, he has one personality that doesn’t change the empty toilet paper roll and leaves the toilet seat up.
He and Stacy do not get along.
Then there is another personality he has that happily agrees to do things on my Honey-Do list. Of course when it’s time to actually tackle the Honey-Do list, the personality that agreed to do it conveniently disappears and the guy I know as my husband says he has no memory of agreeing to do these chores. This might actually be a case of Selective Memory rather than Multiple Personality, but the net result is the same.
Truth be told, I do actually have another personality and she is kind of a slob. She leaves empty bags of donuts and cold cups of half-finished coffee in her car. Fortunately she only appears about one week each month. Her name is Pre-Menstrual Patty. When she’s around, my husband and all of his personalities fly the coop.
It’s a little known fact that multiple personalities can run in families. For many years I thought my kids had escaped the gene. But recently they began to exhibit some suspicious symptoms such as irregular behavior and massive mood swings which, quite frankly, left me more than a little bit concerned.
Then I realized it’s not that they have multiple personalities.
It’s that they are teenagers.