What Not to Get for Your Man for Valentine’s Day

Men have it pretty easy when it comes to Valentine’s day. Sure, if they happen to forget it or get their significant other a household appliance for a gift, they could end up sleeping on the couch. But typically if they are smart enough to get her either chocolate or jewelry (or both), they can be assured domestic tranquility for another year, or at least the next 24 hours.

We ladies, on the other hand, do not have it nearly as easy. What do you get for your guy to profess your love for him? My husband does not wear a stitch of jewelry besides his wedding ring, so heart-shaped cufflinks would not go over too big. He is not inclined to wear red silk boxer shorts with hearts on them, a tie with hearts on it, or any other attire that screams: “My wife bought this for me for Valentine’s Day.” He does not want love notes in a bottle or a heart-shaped coffee mug or a vial of love potion. What’s a girl to do?

At an utter loss for a Valentine’s gift for my husband, I decided to search the net to see if I could find something unique and meaningful.

The first site I went to had the usual assortment of boxers and briefs. But they also suggested this:

Yes, nothing quite says love like a glass water faucet sculpture. I thought this might be interpreted to say, “you turn me on,” but it did not really convey the deeper level of my affection.

Another site recommended I buy him a ride in a race car.

For $119 he could ride shotgun in a stock car as it roars around a race track at speeds exceeding 150mph. I think this gift says “I love you so much, I’m putting you in a situation where you can smash into a wall and explode into a ball of flames.” Not exactly what I had in mind. But then again, it could be the solution to having to come up with future Valentine’s gifts.

The next gift I found was a pair of x-ray vision sunglasses. I’m sure this at the top of every woman’s list for her guy. Who wouldn’t want to give the man you love the ability to secretly look at other women naked?

Finally, I decided maybe the best thing to do was stick the basics. So I got us some chocolate-covered strawberries to share, a nice card, and a gift certificate for a massage.

If he wants to bring his glass water faucet sculpture along to his massage, that’s up to him.

©2011, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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One response to “What Not to Get for Your Man for Valentine’s Day

  1. Good choice, Tracy. I used to treat my Hubby to a concert or a play. One year we saw BB King, another Ladysmith Black Mombasa. You get the idea.