Not To Be a Pain in the Neck or Anything…

When one is fortunate enough to land a guest spot on a national TV show, one would hope that she would be looking her best on the day of the appearance. One would certainly not want to wake up and find that she was Puffy or Pimply or any of the other seven, lesser-known, pre-menstrual dwarves.

Fortunately, the day I taped my segment for The Balancing Act (WHICH, BY THE WAY, WILL BE AIRING ON FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11 AT 7AM ON LIFETIME) my face was pretty much the way I had left it when I went to sleep the night before.

My neck, however, was another story.

Apparently, during the night, I had been visited by a vampire, because when I woke up, I discovered two large, angry red spots on my neck just about eye teeth apart. Unless you are Kristen Stewart and you are going on TV to promote the Twilight series, this is not a really great look for a guest.

Not that this is a regular occurrence for me, but in the past if I had some kind of neck issues, I could just throw on a turtleneck or a big scarf and no one would be the wiser. But the show tapes in Florida and it was clear that wearing a turtleneck or a big scarf when it is 80 degree outside would seem a little odd, even for me.

Being the mature blogger mom that I am, I decided I had bigger concerns for my appearance than obsessing about the suspicious Transylvanian hickey on my neck. I figured no one but me would notice it anyway, so I threw some cover-up over my spots and went to the studio.

I wasn’t in the make-up chair 30 seconds when the make-up artist caught site of my vampire bite and jumped back with a start.

“WOW!” she exclaimed. “What’s on your neck?”

I shrugged. Although I’d like to claim Robert Pattinson visited my bedroom, I didn’t want to admit it was probably a spider bite or some weird kind of neck zit.

“Hey guys, look at this!” she said waving over two producers, the VP of Marketing and the PR Manager. They all stood peering at my neck.

“That’s weird!” said one.

“Do you think it will show up on camera?” asked another.

“Should we alert the host so she’s not surprised?” wondered another.

“Can you cover that thing up?” asked the fourth.

My TV appearance to celebrate my success as the Top Blogger in the Universe had suddenly devolved into a discussion of whether or not I qualified for inclusion in the Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum.

While they all debated whether they should introduce me as The Balancing Act’s Top Blogger, or The Balancing Act’s Top Vampire, the make-up artist swiped my neck with some flesh-colored cream and magically, my spots disappeared.

They all stood back and admired her work.

“That’s awesome!” said the VP of Marketing to the make-up artist. Then she turned to me.
“By the way, you don’t have any fangs or anything, do you?”

*Watch Tracy when she appears on “The Balancing Act” on Lifetime Television, Friday, February 11 at 7am. Check your local listings for channel information.

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3 responses to “Not To Be a Pain in the Neck or Anything…

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Not To Be a Pain in the Neck or Anything… | The Lost in Suburbia Blog -- Topsy.com

  2. I’ve set my DVR and will be playing it in slow motion to see if I can see your vampire bite! 😉

  3. With everyone looking at my neck for my bites and my thighs for my Spanx, I don’t have to worry if I was funny or not!