The Spanx Stops Here

Since I am going to be plugging my TV appearance on The Balancing Act all week (Friday at 7am on Lifetime), I thought it fair to warn those that have small children that I will be exposing my undergarments on the show.

However, before you panic, I can assure you there is nothing sexy or suggestive about said undergarments.

They are, in fact, my Spanx.

Although nothing comes between Brooke Shields and her Calvins, Spanx ALWAYS come between me and just about every article of clothing I own. The reason for this, in a word, is children. Having kids turned my once taut body into a veritable jello-fest and only the miracle of Spanx can make me look otherwise. Although there are plenty of women whose bodies returned to their pre-baby state and some who even look better than they did before they had kids, I am not one of them. Therefore, I rely on Spanx to give me back that which age, gravity, and 36 hours of labor hath taken away.

For this, I am grateful. However, I am not so grateful that I want the whole world to know my little cellulite-smoothing secret.

And yet, there they are, riding high on my thigh as I cross my legs on national TV.

I suppose in the grand scheme of things, there are worse things I could flash on TV than a pair of flesh-colored shapewear. And since The Balancing Act is a show for moms, who better to be sympathetic to my Spanx-alicious exposé than my fellow Spanx-wearing mamas?

So to all you who notice my Spanx when you see me on The Balancing Act, just remember, I’m taking one for the home team!
We are the many, the proud, The Spanx-wearing crowd!

Amen, sista.

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4 responses to “The Spanx Stops Here

  1. I would have never NOTICED! Seriously!

    I looked at the pic and stared and stared, FINALLY saw like, a slight color variation yet, I would have never been like, “what? what is that? SPANX? Awww HELL no!”

    You know what I was looking for? You know what it was?? CELLULITE!

    And again, NOTHING! NOT EVEN A TEEEEENY TINY DIMPLE! And, don’t credit the Spanx, I’m talking about the other exposed parts of flesh. And, if they really smooth cellulite, beyond their reach, then I need 10 pair that cover neck to ankles…

    So, you’re beautiful, talented and famous.

    I feel very sorry for you now.

    Ya know, you could make me feel better by sending me some Spanx…I’ll bet they look great under my pajamas…

  2. Could have been worse – ask Britney Spears!

  3. Would never be an issue for me. I don’t shave my head or carry little dogs in my purse either! 🙂

  4. Oh Kim… you are too kind. I unfortunately have been over-blessed by the cellulite gods (who visited me around the same time as the hemorrhoid and varicose vein gods when my kids were born). I’m thrilled none of the above showed up on TV, but they are there.
    tell you what, come to Blogher and we can sit by the pool and show each other our ripples and veins the way guys compare scars, and we can heckle young skinny girls in bikinis.