Dear Marnie: Sorry, I’m all tapped out

I got an email today from someone named Marnie H. I don’t know Marnie, but she seems to be having some troubles and has reached out to me for some help. Here’s what she wrote:

I’m writing this with tears in my eyes. I came down here to England for a short vacation. Unfortunately all my cash, credit cards and cell phone were stolen, but luckily for me is that I still have my passports with me.
I’ve been to the embassy and the Police here but they’re not helping issues at all and my flight leaves in less than 3hrs from now, but am having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won’t let me leave until I settle the bills,
I need a quick loan to settle the hotel bills.
Please kindly reply back so that I can tell you how to wire me the cash. I’m freaked out at the moment.

Marnie H.


Of course I felt kind of bad for her, and didn’t want to leave her high and dry, even though, you know, I have no idea who she is. So I sent her back a note:

Dear Marnie,
I’m so sorry to hear about your troubles. However, if you have to be stuck somewhere, England is not so bad. At least they speak the same language and the weather there is practically balmy compared to how it is here at home.

Speaking of which, I’d love to help you out but I’m a bit freaked out at the moment, myself. Between the ice and the snow, we are probably looking at a new roof. That should cost a couple of grand. Our driveway will also need to be repaved and the car has to be repaired for to fix some damage from the weather, too. Did I mention I slipped on the ice last week and had to go to the hospital for stitches? Funny how a trip to the ER isn’t covered by insurance.

But enough about my troubles. As for your issue, have you considered reaching out to someone you actually know for some help? Maybe a family member or a friend? Not that I don’t thrill to send my hard-earned money to total strangers to pay their hotel bills, but I’ve already reached my quota this month for bailing out freaked out vacationing tourists whom I’ve never met before.

Good luck, or as they say in England, Cheers!
Tracy Beckerman



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6 responses to “Dear Marnie: Sorry, I’m all tapped out

  1. Bwwaaaahahahaaa! Tracy, you are so clever! I usually delete those, but from now on, I’m totally writing back. Cheers!!!

  2. Wow! I got a similar letter but it was from the friend of a friend in trouble who could not get to the computer to contact me. I told them to go **^()()^&%^%$#$%^& themself. You are much kinder than I am. And I didn’t even get a story out of it. Hope your knee is healing.

  3. This is not the most outrageous one I’ve gotten, but I loved the audacity to ask for money to pay a hotel bill!

  4. Tracy,
    There is a Marnie H in the Humor Writers Group. You could mention that England has a very liberal policy for refugees. Love and irreverence.

    • Tracy, I have been thinking more about this and Marnie H may have had her email hacked. Your email address may have been on her computer. I have heard of others whose email has been hacked and they start getting emails like this. The emails are usually sob stories and end with asking for money. Check on the humor group web site and see if the email address matches the one you got the email from. More love and irreverence.

  5. I actually did have her last name in the email but did not print it in the blog because if there is someone else out there with the same name, I did not want to cause them any trouble. I also forwarded the email to the govt agency that handles email fraud (as I always do when I receive these things) so they can investigate.