Chew on This

Whenever I get mad at my dog for chewing up a sock or something minor like that, I take a moment and remember the dog I had when I was younger. He was a Siberian Husky named Sasha and my dad got him because he wanted a dog that had blue eyes like he did.


Not that he’s shallow or anything.

Now this dog was a chewer. We discovered this after he chewed the leg off the kitchen table, chewed up the seats on the five kitchen chairs, chewed up a chunk of the linoleum kitchen floor, chewed the arm off the living room sofa, the oriental rug, and the rattan bookcase, chewed the seat off the downstairs toilet, and finally knocked the bathroom door down, split it in half and chewed that too.

Needless to say, that dog did not stick around too long.

In comparison, our dog Riley has merely chewed up several stuffed animals, an Ugg boot, and a ball of knitting yarn. His breed tends to have a taste for underwear, but that, fortunately has not been our experience. The real problem pet in our family has been our chinchilla. He chewed his way through a lamp cord, a clock cord, a backpack, and a plastic folder with the homework inside. Try telling your teacher your chinchilla ate your homework and see what response you get.

I suppose in the grand scheme of things, neither my dog nor my chinchilla are really that bad when it comes to chewing. I’ve heard of dogs that have chewed and ingested golf balls, pacifiers, cellphones, and even a Wii controller. In the case of the cellphone, rumor has it the phone actually went down in one piece and the owner realized what had happened to it when it started to ring.

Fortunately, the dog was OK and the phone still worked, but I’m not sure I would want THAT phone back.

©2011, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
To read my latest column, CLICK HERE
To buy my book, “Rebel without a Minivan,” CLICK HERE



Filed under Uncategorized

4 responses to “Chew on This

  1. SandySays1

    So we chew. It’s a dog thing. Remember we don’t have opposable thumbs to grip objects with so our mouths are the only alternative we have. Once in the toothy region it seems natural to modify what enters to some degree. I’ve learned the humans I own respond better if leave the furniture, raffle tickets, shoes, suitcases, hats, and gloves alone. I once ate $154.00 in a bank envelope and that seemed to upset them a tad. But, the next time you become annoyed by old Rover when he masticates your new Italian leather pumps with 4″ heels, think about feeding him something you wouldn’t be caught dead chewing on…and tossing him out into the cold and damp to dispose of it.

  2. I’d give my dog cell phones to snack on if he’d just stop already with the tampons and panty liners. 3 girls and a mom who’s not sure what’s going on cyclically, provides enough roughage for the canine to dine extravagantly, at least one week out of the month. Gross, I know. sorry.

  3. I wonder what ever happened to Sasha after he was returned to the breeder at one year of age.

  4. I heard he was hired by a rubber chew toy company to test out their products and he retired at age four as a billionaire.