I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, but it’s been a pretty crazy summer.
The truth of the matter is, I’ve been struggling a bit after my ego took a pretty big hit. You see, the unthinkable happened.
I’ve been blocked on Facebook… again.
When I say, again, I dont mean to make it sound like it’s something that happens all the time. As far as I know it’s only been two times. But even two times is a lot when you’re used to getting along with everyone and, to your knowledge, have never been accused of something awful like being a stalker, an identity thief, or a mime.
The first time I was blocked I took it in stride because it was someone I already had a strained relationship with. Six years later, I’m almost over it. (my therapist said to say that, but I don’t really believe it).
But the latest person who blocked me was someone I’d just met. She was someone I spoke with at length at a conference, discussed a job opportunity, and mutually agreed to connect with after the conference. Following the conference, I friended her on Facebook. Then, about two weeks later I realized I’d never gotten a friend acceptance and checked back only to discover she was no longer on Facebook. But the way Facebook works is, when someone blocks you, they appear to no longer be on Facebook. So when someone disappears from Facebook, you cant be sure if it’s because they closed their account or they blocked you. The only way to know for sure is to look for them from someone else’s account.
Having been on the receiving end of a Facebook blocking before, I was wise to the ways of being blocked, so I looked for her from someone else’s account (no, I didn’t hack someone else’s account. I’m not that much of a lowlife), and, voila: there was the person I had tried to friend.
And then I knew Id been tossed aside like a sack of blocked potatoes. Once you are a two-time blockee, you don’t get nearly as upset as you might have the first time. You’re kind of like, “OMG, she BLOCKED me!” followed by, “Yeah, whatever.”
Then you replay the whole conversation you had with her through your head to see if there was any point where you came across as someone with obsessive tendencies, multiple personalities, an arrest record, a restraining order, ties to the Kardashians, persistent chronic halitosis, or the possibility that you inadvertently flirted with her husband.
Except for the arrest record (which was only a misdemeanor and I swear, I was out of the country when it happened) none of the other things were even remotely possible. So I was really at a loss as to why she’d blocked me. I realized that being blocked by a friend (or potential friend) on Facebook is kind of like having a boyfriend suddenly stop returning your calls or texts. You know it’s over but you’re not sure why and you’re just left wondering what you did to be so coldly dumped.
In the dating world, it’s called being ghosted. In the social media world it’s called being unfriended. In the real world it’s called being Kathy Griffinned.
Personally, I’d like to know why I got kicked to the curb and would prefer to get an automated notification from Facebook that says: “So-and-So blocked you because you:
– Post too many cloyingly cute pictures of your kids
– Ditto your dog
– Ditto your vacation
– Brag too much about the miles you ran/laps you swam/triathalon you competed in/7 wonders of the world you scaled/Nobel prize you received
– Repeatedly invited them to play annoying Facebook games
– got them to try to join your pyramid schemes
– Humble bragged about the ivy league college your kid got into/first job he got out of college as a CEO of a Fortune 500 company/thing he invented that he got 500 million dollars for when he sold it.
– The free orchestra Hamilton tickets/Springsteen on Broadway/Sold out VIP tickets to a Beyonce concert you got from a friend who just couldn’t make it that night.
Need I go on?
Since I was still friends with the blocker’s husband on Facebook, I thought about messaging him and asking him why on earth his wife had blocked me. But then I figured it would be awkward for him to be in the middle of a UFB (Unwarranted Facebook Blocking) and might cause UMS (Undue Marital Stress) as well as the possibility that he also would commit a UFB on me and then I would be a three-time Facebook blockee, which would certainly be a blight on my otherwise pristine social media reputation. Being blocked twice could be considered an aberration. Three times and people start to think you’re Mark Zuckerberg in disguise. In an attempt to be a grown up and not obsess about it, and not pursue it, and realize it was probably her problem, not mine, I decided to let it go and move on with my life…
Right after I block her on Twitter.