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Why James Breakwell is Only Dead on the Inside

Why James Breakwell is Only Dead on the Inside

Like 982,000 other fans, I follow humor writer James Breakwell on Twitter (@Xplodingunicorn), where he tweets really funny snippets of conversations with his four daughters, ages 7 and under, who mercilessly show him who’s boss (spoiler alert: it’s not him).           … interactions with his wife,         … and his pig.    …

Killing it in the Kitchen

“Show me your spatula,” ordered my friend Hildie as she stood in my kitchen with her hands on her hips. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I replied. “Show me your spatula,” she repeated, ignoring me. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t think I know you well enough to share something so personal,” I responded. She reached…

Steve Carell and the Case of the Giant Chicken

Our New York City vacation did not necessarily include a shoe shopping expedition.  But when I saw the sparkly, black leather platform booties in the widow, I knew they had to be mine. Although I am usually fairly immune to these SOSUs (Sudden Onset Shoe Urges), I felt my resolve dissolve when the shoe salesman told me the manufacturer only…

My (or not my) Final Resting Place

My (or not my) Final Resting Place

“Hello?” I said, answering the phone. “Hi, Mrs. Berkman?” said the voice on the other end.   “It’s Beckerman.” “Oh. I have Berkman here.  Must be a mistake.” “Can I help you?” “Yes, I’m thrilled to tell you that you’ve won a free upgrade on your final resting place.” “Excuse me?” “You purchased a plot in a section of our…

No Loafing Around

No Loafing Around

Having been a mom for twenty years, I’ve figured out how to cook enough basic meals to keep my family alive. However, since I only have about a half dozen dishes that I’ve perfected, it was just a matter of time before my family got completely sick of my cooking. Even the dog was sick of the scraps that fell…

What Would Erma Do?

What Would Erma Do?

In preparation for my trip to the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, I scheduled a number of appointments so I could put my best face/hair/nails forward. Of course this workshop is all about being with a community of other funny women (and a few guys) and not at all about what you look like, what you’re wearing, or whether or not…

It's an Honor Just to be Nominated

It's an Honor Just to be Nominated

I went to The Oscars. Do you like how nonchalantly I said that? It’s actually more like, I WENT TO THE OSCARS!! It’s true. I can’t even remember the last time I even stayed awake to watch the entire Oscars and now I attended the actual event. The other big difference is I wore an actual dress as opposed to…