Husbands and other Aliens

My Toilet Paper Runneth Over

My Toilet Paper Runneth Over

“Hey honey, why is there a roll of toilet paper in my shoe?” asked my husband. It was a perfectly reasonable question. People don’t normally store rolls of toilet paper in their husband’s shoes. But I had a Defcon 5 toilet paper storage situation. And also, I’m not normal. The trouble started when I ordered toilet paper online. Because we…

The Vacation that Tried to Kill Me

The Vacation that Tried to Kill Me

“I have a great idea for a winter vacation!” exclaimed my husband. “What’s that?” I asked. “Let’s go scuba diving AND skiing!” “That’s not a vacation,” I groaned.  “That’s a horror movie.” Clearly our definitions of vacation were vastly different.  For me a vacation meant lying on a beach with a stack of books by my side and a slushie…

When Bad Things Happen to Good Grill Tools

When Bad Things Happen to Good Grill Tools

“Honey, have you seen my grill tools?” asked my husband, as he ran in from his grilling post on the back deck. I pointed to the cabinet over the fridge. “No, those are my BACK-UP grill tools,” he clarified. “I’m looking for my GOOD grill tools.” I rolled my eyes. I knew what grill tools he was looking for. They…

Why James Breakwell is Only Dead on the Inside

Why James Breakwell is Only Dead on the Inside

Like 982,000 other fans, I follow humor writer James Breakwell on Twitter (@Xplodingunicorn), where he tweets really funny snippets of conversations with his four daughters, ages 7 and under, who mercilessly show him who’s boss (spoiler alert: it’s not him).           … interactions with his wife,         … and his pig.    …

Make Like a Tree and Leave

Make Like a Tree and Leave

“Don’t you love fall foliage?” A friend of mine asked as we watched brilliant leaves of red, orange and gold waft down from the trees. “It’s such a beautiful time of year.” I rolled my eyes. I had no patience for the leaf lovers, the autumn enthusiasts, the fall foliage fanatics. I had bigger fish to fry. I was a…

Playing Chicken with My Dinner

“What do you want for dinner?” I asked my husband. “How about fish.” he replied. I shook my head. “I had fish for lunch. How about steak?” “I’m sick of steak,” he said. “How about chicken?” I nodded. “Chicken it is.” My husband went outside to light the grill while I jumped in the car to go get the food.…

Timeline of a Man Cold

Timeline of a Man Cold

What’s scarier than a sick kid? A sick husband! Day 1:  The sneeze.  The husband gives a worried glance and feels his forehead with the back of his hand.  He immediately begins taking large quantities of zync, Vitamin C, Theraflu, the boiled root of an African Baobab tree, essence of dung beetle oil, and Himalayan yodeling goat curd to stave…

Hibernating in the Man Cave

Hibernating in the Man Cave

“Joe got a Man Cave,” said my husband, referring to a friend of ours who, apparently, had become a Neantherthal. “Excuse me?” I responded. “He got a Man Cave.  You know, a room in the basement that is just for him.” “And…” “Sounds kind of like a cool idea,” he said wistfully. I shook my head.  “You want a Man…

Our 2013 Family Holiday Newsletter

Our 2013 Family Holiday Newsletter

Dear Friends and Family, Yes, it is that time of year again.  I’m so happy to send you our annual holiday newsletter and tell you about all the great things our family has done the past twelve months!! I’m sure your family has done great things, too, but since they are probably not as great as ours, feel free to…