Growing old ungracefully

What Goes Down Must Come Out

What Goes Down Must Come Out

“Everything looks great,” exclaimed my internist at my annual check up. “But there’s one more thing.” “What?” I wondered. “Well, now that you’re fifty you get an extra special gift.” I was so excited. I never had a doctor give me a gift before. As far as I knew none of my friends who were fifty ever got a gift…

Real Women Don't Wear Tankinis

This year, I worked hard to drop a few pounds over the winter so that when spring arrived, I wouldn’t have to face my annual swimwear terror attack. Honestly, I find shark-infested waters less scary than trying on bathing suits.  Bungee jumping?  Piece of cake.  Wrestling alligators?  Not a problem.  Standing half-naked in front of a three-way mirror when I…

I'm Gonna Wash that Gray right out of my Hair

I'm Gonna Wash that Gray right out of my Hair

OK, I admit it: I color my hair. Ever since I hit that-number-that-dare-not-be-named, the gray hairs started coming in fast and furious. I’m assuming it was age-related, and not a result of being a stressed-out mother of two kids, a dog, and assorted fish. But I was less concerned with why the gray hairs were there then how to get rid…

Are You a Good Cholesterol or a Bad Cholesterol?

Are You a Good Cholesterol or a Bad Cholesterol?

On most tests, the higher you score, the better you do. So naturally, when my doctor told me that I got over 300 on my cholesterol test. I thought this was a good thing. “Last year it was 240,” he told me over the phone. “Wow,” I exclaimed. “That’s amazing. I didn’t go up that much the second time I…

Boys DO Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses!

Boys DO Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses!

I’ve been doing my own hair and makeup for about 35 years because I am not a celebrity, a model, a princess, or a Kardashian.   So when I was selected as one of the “real women” who wear glasses for a Ladies Home Journal story about Great Glasses for Any Age, I jumped at the chance because I knew they…

The Decaffeination of Ms. Tracy Beckerman

The Decaffeination of Ms. Tracy Beckerman

I love coffee.  I have always loved coffee.  When I was a kid I would have a big cup of sugared-up coffee every morning with my parents before school.  Back then, nobody thought that loading your kid up with caffeine every day was a bad thing, except maybe my elementary school teachers who couldn’t understand why I was bouncing off…

Not by the Hair of My Chinny-Chin-Chin

Not by the Hair of My Chinny-Chin-Chin

In honor of No Shave November, I thought this would be an appropriate topic to bring up. As I got to that “certain age,” somewhere between menstrual cramps and hot flashes, I was prepared for things like lip lines, upper arm fat and the fold of blubber that shows up right under your butt. But somehow, someone along the way…

One Mom, Two Moms, Young Moms, Blue Moms

One Mom, Two Moms, Young Moms, Blue Moms

When you’re a mom, you don’t really think about what demographic you fall into until you suddenly find yourself surrounded by younger moms. That moment came for me during my youngest child’s last year of grade school. To avoid the usual minivan congestion, I had gotten into the routine of dropping off and picking up my daughter at the on…