Top Ten Things to do at Back to School Night

Last night was Back to School Night at my kids’ school.  

teacherWhen my kids first started school, I loved going to Back to School Night. I loved meeting the teachers, getting the little note on the desk from my children welcoming me to their class, and eating the baked goods put out by the PTA for the parents. But having been to a slew of these events over the years, I now tend to get a little bored, and really, at this point, I’m just kind of in it for the cupcakes.

So this year, I decided to come up with a list of things I could do to make Back to School Night a little more fun.

Feel free to try some of these yourself:

10. Stick a wad of chewing gum under the desk for old times sake.

9. Raise your hand during the teacher’s presentation and ask for a pass to go to the bathroom.

8. Ask her to teach the important stuff in the beginning of the year in case the Federal Witness Protection program has to move you again quickly.

7. Tell the other parents about the wicked case of lice your kid had over the summer, but don’t worry… you’re pretty sure you got rid of most of them.

6. When the teacher asks for the forms you were supposed to fill out at the beginning of the school year, tell her your dog ate them.

5. Volunteer to be the Class Mom and then reminisce about the brownies you made last year that gave everybody food poisoning.

4. When the teacher tells you you can leave a note for your child, tell her you can’t read or write and you hope your child will be the first one in your family to graduate from elementary school.

3. Ask the teacher if there’s a garbage can they can leave next your child’s desk all year because your kid is a puker.

2. Tell the teacher you have triplets but you only enrolled one of them and they’re just going to take turns going to school.

1. Introduce yourself to the principal and ask him how he feels, hypothetically, about parents bribing their kid’s teacher.

©2013, Beckerman. All rights reserved.

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14 Comments

Filed under Who Are These Children and Why are they Calling Me Mommy

14 responses to “Top Ten Things to do at Back to School Night

  1. Harvey Baron

    Love #2 the triplets line. Very funny. You are a troublemaker. Hmmm…wonder where you got that from.

    Xxxxxxxluuuuv Pops

    Sent from my iPad

    On Sep 25, 2013, at 9:38 AM, Lost in Suburbia wrote:

    WordPress.com lostinsuburbiablog posted: “Last night was Back to School Night at my kids’ school. When my kids first started school, I loved going to Back to School Night. I loved meeting the teachers, getting the little note on the desk from my children welcoming me to their class, and eating”

  2. Maybe from the guy who brought a door to a housewarming party?? :)

  3. Tracy,
    Hilarious! Wish I’d thought of that “back in the day.” Now it’s up to my grandkids to freak out the teachers.
    My biggest issue was that some teachers felt slighted that I didn’t visit their room. I tried to explain that one mom divided by three kids, each with 5 teachers, did not work well mathematically. The way I solved that was to ask the teachers who they wanted me to visit and who they didn’t want me to visit. I went to the last list because I’d meet the teachers for classes where the kids needed extra help.

  4. Loved it. Left a long comment. You are so demented, Tracy. Keep it up. sd

  5. Ask for a slacker mom homework pass to be given out as needed so that the kid is not penalized academically for when Mom can’t help with the assignment. (I need one monthly for each kid).

  6. Love the Witness Protection one and the triplets!

  7. I actually am in the witness protection program. Sssh. Don’t tell!

  8. When you get a pass to the bathroom, put Saran Wrap under the toilet seat, you Queen of the class clowns!

  9. Pingback: Wassup this Week? | Lost in Suburbia

  10. As a teacher, I would be stunned and speechless about the bathroom pass thing before I started cracking up. Sometimes back to school night is boring, and that would certainly liven things up! :)

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