Saying “I Don’t” to a Beach Wedding

“My sister is having a beach wedding,” a friend of mine informed me over coffee one day.

“That sounds cool,” I responded.

“It’s not cool,” she complained. “I just had a baby four months ago, remember? None of my old clothes fit yet and the idea of being seen in a bathing suit makes me want to throw up.”

She grabbed a roll of post-baby belly flesh to prove her point. It was honestly not that bad, but I know when you are four months post-partum, even if you have lost the baby weight, body parts that used to be tight and sassy are now loose and flabby and you are not in a big hurry to parade them around in a bikini for anyone, much less an entire wedding party.

“I don’t even know why she would have a beach wedding?’ she added. “She’s overweight and hates being on the beach.”

“I guess it’s kind of a romantic thing to do,” I replied.

“Might be romantic for her, but when my husband sees ME in a bathing suit, he’s going to ask for a divorce.”

I could sympathize. My two kids are now teenagers and I STILL haven’t lost the baby weight. Bathing Suit season makes me break out in a cold sweat. I’d sooner have root canal without anesthesia than have to dance a Hora in a tankini at a beach wedding.

“How am I going to lose twenty pounds before the wedding next month?” asked my friend.

“You don’t have to,” I advised her. “Just find the fattest person at the wedding and stand next to her the whole time. Then you will look great in comparison.”

She smiled. “That would be the bride.”

©2012, Beckerman. All rights reserved.
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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Saying “I Don’t” to a Beach Wedding

  1. Sherry

    hahahahahahahaha.

    Amen.

  2. I’m thinkin’ bridal party sarong. I’d have to pay a stunt double to attend in my place.