Since I will be heading down to Orlando to join The Balancing Act on their road tour Friday, I thought it was a good time to admit that I have Disney issues.

There are times when I am convinced that my life in suburbia is, in fact, a modern day Disney Movie. Of course, in most Disney movies, the mother is killed off in the beginning of the film, or before it even starts, so fortunately, my life is not exactly like a Disney movie.

However, when my daughter was sure that she was a princess of another country that we had never heard of, and her real parents were going to save her from this miserable existence as a suburban school child, and bring her back to eat bonbons and rule her country, I was pretty sure I was in a Disney movie.

…And when my fish kept trying to leap out of the tank as if to tell me something whenever I walked in the room, and my son tried to convince me that the fish was really a bewitched prince and I had to kiss the fish to break the spell, I was pretty sure I was in a Disney movie.

…And when someone knocked the sideview mirror off my car backing out of the garage and my husband asked how it happened and I told him the car drove itself into the garage door, my husband was pretty sure that I was not in a Disney movie; I was simply delusional.

If anything like this has ever happened to you, but you are still not sure if you are in a real life Disney movie, here are some surefire ways to tell:

1. Your pets start talking to you and tell you the Maltipoo next door is planning to take over the world.

2. When you ask your husband to take out the garbage, he breaks into song.

3. Forest creatures wander into your house, separate your recyclables, and start cleaning your home with eco-friendly products

4. Your mother dies, your father remarries, and your evil stepmother tries to poison you with a tainted Starbucks latte.

5. Your seafood dinner walks off your plate and tells you off because it is over-fished and endangered.

6. When your basement floods, a bunch of pirates storm your house and set up sail behind your washing machine.

7. Your new stainless steel appliances tell you they are really bewitched villagers and you have to kiss some big, hairy dude so they can change back.

8. Seven little men show up at your house and try to sell you Dwarf Scout cookies.

9. You suddenly find out that you are actually a princess and the designated ruler of an unknown Costco kingdom.

10. Your fairy godmother appears and turns your SUV into a pumpkin.

(**Check back to this blog to find out when my segment on THE BALANCING ACT in Orlando will be airing! In the meantime, watch my friends Kristy Villa and Danielle Knox on The Balancing Act weekdays at 7am on Lifetime.)

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  • Gordon Kirkland

    Sorry, Kiddo. I am the ruler of the Costco Kingdom. With a name like Kirkland I have to be, they just don’t know it yet! When I am returned to my rightful place on the throne I will gladly make you the Duchess of Aisle 6. (That’s the good one because it has the cookies.)

  • lostinsuburbiablog

    I will happily become the duchess of the cookie aisle, but as your closest NJ friend, I would also like a box of a thousand roles of Kirkland Toilet Paper!

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